One small step at a time

Today is CD13 on my first Femara cycle (3x2.5mg/day from CD3 to CD7). For better reasons I found Femara to be a better drug compared to Clomid. Clomid gives this unusual mood swings and thickens the cervical mucus. I kind of felt better on Femara. Today I had my ultrasound and it showed two big follicles, 22mm on the right (yay!) and 20 mm on the left (my left never gives up!). That number '22' made our day today! It’s like we are half way there though literally we are not even close!  When you go through infertility, any small positive outcome really gives you that little hope :)

Tomorrow is our IUI appointment. Two weeks back, the world was upside down and I was totally disheartened about our IUI plan. Now I feel much better...and its only because of the support and care my husband gave me.... If this is what it takes to have our baby then I am all the more ready to go through it. I pray fervently that God doesn’t make this journey longer and harder.  Good luck to us!!

A letter to my Hubby...

Sweetheart,

I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much. Today could be one of the most disheartening days of our lives when the doctor told us to take the IUI/AI route this cycle. Not that its the most dreaded thing...its just that we always think about conceiving naturally (we even did so two years back) and now we need to go through this path. Things have taken a very different turn since March 2010 and the path has been so bumpy but I could sail through it and that’s only because of you. You never let me down though I know deep inside you are hurt as much as I am and even more. I just hope you are getting some strength from me in spite of my tearful ride back from the doctor's office. Your comforting words gives me so much strength...I couldn't ask for more dear. Life has been wonderful except for this small hiccup which drains away most of the happiness that we share. Nevertheless we still laugh about the most silliest things ever...we still talk about everything as if we never experienced any of these difficulties...and I think that’s what makes us the most special couple which every couple in this world yearns for. We will stride this path too with the same hope in our heart hand in hand. You really don't deserve such a bumpy road to our most cherished dream. I am so sorry for making things very tough for us.

We always have conversations about those supernatural people/aliens...I am not too sure if they are watching us now or even steering us to our dreams. But what I learnt today is that they were normal humans too except they did so many good deeds that made them superior than the majority and good deeds are nothing but how they think, act or help other people that would make them stand apart from the rest. We have some of those 'supernatural' people around us these days...it just depends on how quickly you identify them and I could identify a few...you, my dearest husband and our parents. You have always been there for me and I love you so much.

Wishing and praying to see a little one in your hands soon.

Love,

Your ever-loving wife

In pursuit of the little miracle...

It’s been almost 2 months since I blogged. It’s just that I wanted my next blog post to be about some miracle and sadly that’s not the case.

We did two cycles of clomid before my hubby's kidney stone surgery and both cycles didn't go too well. We then tried two cycles naturally as I was kind of ovulating and getting 33-35 days cycles but we did not end up pregnant though one of the cycles did have an ovulation from the right (the good side!). So my RE put me back to clomid and that would be clomid cycle #3. I did ovulate right on time (day 9 after last dose of clomid). I had an ultrasound on CD 14 just to find that there were two mature follicles and both on the left ovary!

This is the most unlucky I could ever get...!!! It’s just too 'weird' how things can turn against us so much! I was so disappointed after my ultrasound. The only thing that could get me going was the support my husband gave. He is amazing that way. I know..I very well know how disappointed he is with this whole thing but he never lets me down. I love him so much.

We didn’t give up and we did our best this cycle too and today I am on 11DPO with 3 more days to go. I do not have any symptoms yet except for the usual progesterone bloating etc etc. I really don’t know what to hope for in this cycle. I just want to get over these 3 days and move on (but I still hope for a miracle! I hope GOD listens!)

The RE's/Wizard's plan is to start me on Femara next cycle as he thinks Femara has lesser side effects than clomid. And he is going to put me on higher dose so that my right can also produce some eggs. It’s very hard to experience infertility....there is not one cycle where you don’t have hope however practical things may sound....I still hope...and I promise I will have my next blog post on 15DPO.