33 weeks

I have been so bad at blogging and I feel so guilty about that. Last few weeks have been very hectic with guests at home and shopping that I could hardly find time to put down my thoughts. But that didn't keep me away from reading posts from my fellow bloggers. I made sure I was up to date on those :)

33 weeks have gone by since I had this little one inside me. Time just flies. I am happy we are here at this stage and I am so anxious and excited about things to come! Baby girl has been moving so much inside, she sometimes wakes me up at night and that’s when I realize how much pressure I have on my pelvic floor. I just started noticing it couple of days back, not sure if that’s normal at this stage. When we went for our appointment a week back, the doctor said her head was down and feet up but she will keep moving around until 36 weeks. I am thinking it’s her head that is putting so much pressure on my pelvic floor and that causes the pressure. Google has a lot to say about pelvic pressure and labor and it’s a bit scary. At this point I just want her to be born healthy...

Our birthing classes are coming up in a week's time. We are going to attend 3 classes - breastfeeding, new born care and Lamaze series of childbirth. This is going to take up most of our time next week. More than me, S is eagerly waiting for these classes coz I have done some reading on all this stuff unlike him and he wants to tackle everything with what he learns from these classes :) Guess what! I had a surprise baby shower at my work a week back and it was so kind of them to give us so many gifts... I just love all those cute outfits we got as gifts for our baby girl :) We also got a car seat, stroller and co-sleeper. We are planning to have her in a co-sleeper by our side for the first few weeks and then move her to the crib. This way night feedings will be much easier rather than having to go across rooms each time to feed her and check on her.

Couple of updates that are long due (due to my absence!):

- I had my GST at 28 weeks and I failed the first test. The cut off for 1 hour glucose is 140 and my result was 142 so I had to go in for the 3 hour test phew!

Luckily, I passed the 3 hour test and all results came out normal but my ob/gyn has asked me to limit my sugar and refined carbohydrates intake. Diet is a bit tricky now because I just can't eat anything and have to watch out for those sweet tooth cravings (I am so carried away by sugar!)

- My weight gain has been ok so far, I was on the higher side a few weeks back but now things seem to be better. So far Ihave gained 22 lbs. ideally I should gain 5-7 lbs by 40 weeks and I hope to maintain that. I have been plotting my weight on an excel chart and here is the graph. I am happy that am touching the green line now as that indicates the ideal/expected weight gain and the red line is the actual. You can see the bump around Sept-Oct time perod, that's when I was exceeding the normal weight gain.

- We had our first appointment with the lactation consultant (LC). You might be wondering why so early. Since I have a history of PCOS and mild NCAH we want to make sure my goofy hormones don't mess up my lactation. My LC was amazing; she went over breastfeeding basics, what to eat and what not to eat. She is going to check my prolactin levels at 36 weeks to make sure everything is ok. If not I might have to be on metformin/dexamethasone after I give birth.

- Our pediatrician meet and greet appointment is coming up in a week's time. We decided on one of the pediatricians who is affiliated to the hospital close to us. They seem to have good reviews and some of friends go to them. I think we will be in good hands.

- Breast pumps: I am planning to go back to work in 8-10 weeks so we are thinking about investing in a breast pump. My LC mentioned that we get insurance coverage for breast pumps since Aug 2012. Do anyone of you know more about this? Are all breast feeding accessories covered as well?

Sorry about the long post. I feel so much lighter in my head now! I hope each one of you had a great Thanksgiving!!! :)

Paranoia?

It was last Thursday. I started feeling her move few weeks back but it was very random. Then on a Sunday I felt her move a lot so I was thinking….this is it and this is how it feels like having a little one inside you. Then came Monday and I didn’t feel a thing...and Tuesday…no signs at all and then Wednesday…not even a stir. Thursday afternoon I was very anxious after reading all those forums online where women mentioned about feeling kicks all the time after 20 weeks…so I rang up my OB/GYN and left her a message. She got back to me immediately and said I could go to her office or the hospital anytime to hear the heartbeat if I think the baby hasn't moved for more than a day or two. I was very surprised by her calm and immediate response (I always associate OB/GYN clinics to be a baby making factory).

So off we went to the hospital at 5 pm. I had that troubled look on my face and my dear hubby was trying to reassure me. I was taken to L&D into a monitoring room. A nurse came and she asked me how long I didn’t feel the baby move and I said about 3 days and she immediately had that concerning look on her face and asked why I didn’t come in earlier!

I had no answer to that. I felt I was being totally obsessed or paranoid so I gave it sometime but I had no idea that this had to be taken seriously and I had to report earlier. That put me in a very tough spot. They hooked on the Doppler probe and on came the heartbeat :)

I don’t know where she was hiding or why she was quiet...but that was a huge relief!! I know I might not feel the kicks very strong since I have an anterior placenta but 3 days was enough to get me restless.

They wrapped the Doppler probe on me as they filled up information on the computer. I looked at my hubby who had this 'I knew everything was ok' smile. He was so good at promptly taking me to the hospital...he never complained :) I laid there quietly thinking there are worst possible scenarios and I need to regroup myself and not get too anxious when things are okay. Just then I felt her move…not sure if was a kick but she indeed was agreeing. I just love this little one so much already!

It's a.......

....GIRL!!!!!

We had our 19 week anatomy scan last week. We were totally expecting a boy! And this little one turned out to be cute little girl!!!

The technician was taking different measurements. Me and my hubby kept exchanging glances awaiting the big moment! As she took different measurements we got a glimpse of the image that showed the baby bum up and we kind of knew it was a girl. My husband looked at me and smiled...after a few minutes, the technician said she knew what we were having. My husband said it’s a Girl!! she was totally taken aback...and she was asking if my hubby is a doc!!!

It really came out to be a big surprise for us too...as we totally expected a boy!

So here we are awaiting a cute little angel in January...we are so excited!! Now we need to start looking at all the cute things out there!!

I feel myself getting bigger these days. I can longer fit into any of my old pants...so it’s either maternity pants or yoga pants these days. They are so comfy.

We registered for childbirth classes and they are scheduled for November. I can't believe that we have only 20 more weeks to go. And still can't believe us going through these....there is a lot of anxiety but overall it feels good.

158 days to go

That’s right…we are in our 18th week now, reaching the half way mark!!

Last few weeks have been good in terms of energy levels and appetite..I can see myself eating a lot more now! Last week I had some quinoa chickpeas salad and a few minutes later I felt someone was inside me. It was very similar to someone poking or wiggling from inside..I didn’t really believe it until it happened a couple more times but last two days it’s been so quiet. I have been trying hard, had more chickpeas but no response to that! (but I had my own discomfort with the excess chickpeas…oh well!!)

By now most people at my work place know…thanks to maternity wear(!)

We still haven’t made any announcements on FB and I am still putting it away until after 20 weeks..I don’t why...but somehow am not too comfortable at this point to do that.

Spider veins…yes that’s what I see all over my feet and ankles. My swelling has reduced. I get only if I give a break to exercise or drink a little less water. But spider veins look horrible..my doctor says its hereditary and I need to take 5 min walks every hour. Very hard at a job like mine where we sit at a computer all day!

We are planning to take some time off in September (yay!!) and go for a nice 4 day vacation. We haven't decided the destination yet...but if all goes well with our anatomy scan in 2 weeks...off we will go! And the big surprise will be revealed in 2 weeks :) cant wait!! 

I have been trying to get more protein into my diet. The recommended amount is 50-70g per day and with a vegetarian diet its quite hard to reach that mark every day. I hear very different views on taking protein powder during pregnancy..do any of you know if its safe? ot may be a safer brand that you are taking?

Second trimester!

13 weeks 5 days today. I am officially in my second trimester. Can't really believe we made it so far! If not for this miracle baby, we would be waiting for our first IVF results around this time. Life is so much better now but anxiety and fear lingers on...

We had our NT scan last week and the results are within the normal range. It took almost an hour to get the measurements as she/he was having hiccups for some time and then started stretching. We could see legs and arms and a big belly :)

Right after the NT scan we spoke to a genetic counselor which was part of the process. She went over our family history and any genetic conditions that are likely to affect the baby. One thing that was brought into attention was my 'high DHEAS' problem. During my infertility treatment I went to a medical endocrinologist to find the cause for high androgens (high DHEAS). To keep it short this was our finding - after several blood tests we found that my adrenal gland does not function normally. Genetically I am missing a certain enzyme that would regulate our Cortisol and DHEAS levels. Due to the missing enzyme my DHEAS levels are high which causes hyperandrogenism which is also regarded as PCOS.

I was put on Dexamethasone which regulates androgens externally. I was asked to stop taking it from 12 weeks as it would affect/suppress adrenal gland of the baby. This is a genetic disorder and there are good chances of passing it to my children. So coming back to our conversation with the genetic counselor, she offered us genetic testing for this disorder. It doesn't really matter if I am having a boy since this disorder does not affect males (they are designed to have high androgens). But if I am having a girl we need to be cautious. We are not sure if there are any medical interventions during pregnancy to reverse it. Our plan is to have this reviewed with our medical endocrinologist in two weeks. I really hope I don't pass on this disorder to my baby....

My first trimester symptoms have all faded now. I no longer have any aversions to food or nausea. I have already gained 7 pounds and I am not on Metformin so my diet has to be devoid of refined grains. Two days back, we went shopping after work and when I got home I noticed that my feet and ankles were swollen. That really scared the hell out of me. I called up my doctor. She says it could be edema and happens if we are on our feet all day and if the weather is too hot. She asked me to double my water intake and put my legs up whenever possible. The swelling has reduced now but I still have a swollen ankle. Did anyone experience this so early in pregnancy? I hope it’s just edema and not something related to preeclampsia.

Some random stuff

Falling sick during pregnancy is something that really drains all your energy out. Last week ended up being so tiring - so this is what happened. My little niece in California brought home this viral infection from her day care. She passed it on to my mom-in-law and my mom-in-law arrived in NY last week and the virus had two parasites waiting to thrive on - me and my hubby. We ended up getting this awful sore throat and cold. Off we went to the doc and he said its viral so no antibiotics will work...it will have to subside by itself :(

We were speculating so much about our Cape Cod trip but ended up going and the vacation turned out to be very relaxing. Beaches were beautiful!!

Right now my mom-in-law and hubby are almost fully recovered but I am still coughing and lost my voice phew!! The doctor mentioned I would take longer to recover due to lower immunity during pregnancy. I read somewhere that babies develop sleep and wake cycles from 10-11 weeks and each time we cough or sneeze we alert them or wake them from deep sleep to semi sleep state. I get a feeling am waking up this little bean just too much these days!!!

11 weeks 2 days today! Very excited about reaching the 12 week milestone… Can't believe we made it this far! We are planning to tell our immediate relatives and close friends sometime next week.

Still awaiting a call from my medical endocrinologist on the repeat blood work… We have our NT scan on July 12th. The days between these appointments just seem too long.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!!

P.S - I created a new page for Our little miracle. Please feel free to skip it if the pictures bother you in any way.

Theres always things to worry

10 weeks today and am a graduate!

We had our first appt with the OB/GYN last week. We always dreaded to go to her office though we really wanted to get to this stage. The last time we were there was during my ectopic pregnancy. Still remember her searching desperately for a sac when I was 6 weeks pregnant and I can never forget the look she had on her face.

Anyways speaking about better things...

The first appt went well, she took a very quick peek at our little bean...didn’t take any measurements; instead she just calculated how far I am based on my last period date. Oh well...welcome to the busy world of OB/GYN. She was happy and quite surprised about this miracle baby. As protocol dictates I had my blood work, cervical exam, pap smear done. She said the blood results will take at least 3-4 weeks and if I don’t hear from her, it means everything is normal (?!). She talked to me about different pregnancy symptoms and protein consumption based on my vegetarian diet. We decided to go with the first trimester screening (blood work and NT scan) and scheduled it for 13 weeks. I was a happy lady until yesterday evening.

Yesterday evening I get a call from my medical endocrinologist (who put me on Dexamethasone for high DHEAS and Testosterone). He says I am sorry to disturb you on a Sunday evening but then I get a feeling that something’s is up as he usually never calls on a Sunday. He got my blood results back from last week and the DHEAS levels are normal but Testosterone levels are a bit high (in 80s). Normal range is below 50. He wants me to come back for a repeat blood work this week to confirm the levels again and based on that he is going to talk to my OB/GYN. He mentioned it’s not something to really worry at this time as pregnancy makes hormones go a little wild but will have to be reviewed carefully.

Off I go to Google and I get all these scary information that high testosterone inhibits growth in the uterus!! Not something I wanted to hear...well there isn’t any choice…

PCOS women tend to have high DHEAS and testosterone but it is lowered by use of Metformin and corticosteroids like Dexamethasone which I have been taking for that last one year. My RE has asked to stop Metformin after first trimester as that’s the norm. Now am quite worried if that would further elevate my levels!

We are going for the blood work tomorrow but results will be back only by end of this week. My NT scan is 3 weeks from now, until then I will not know what’s happening..I really hope the little one grows well. Damn PCOS!

Transition

Last week, Thursday was our final appointment with our RE. The 25 mile ride felt really different that morning. We brought cupcakes to his office and thanked each one of them for making this happen. My 70 year old doc (yes he turned 70 last year!!!) was moved to tears when we said we will keep in touch and send pictures. Dr. Wizard wished us lots of luck and children :)

My RE is affiliated to RMACT (Reproductive medical associates of Connecticut) but he has his private clinic in NY. For some reason he is discontinuing his association with RMACT and is going to start working with RMANY which means that he will no longer have his own private clinic. Though it was a very happy day for us, his staff were not in their best spirits...most of them are losing their jobs only 1 or 2 out of 10 people are joining him at the new place. I felt so sorry for them...I may never see most of them when I visit him next time..

They were so kind enough not to show their disappointment that day.

After few hugs and smiles we left the place. My heart was heavy...this was one of the few places or people whom I felt very comfortable being with during this journey. We graduated and our first appointment with OB/GYN will be this Thursday.

I have been so tardy with blogging lately. I really need to pull myself together and provide more frequent updates. Weekend went like a fast breeze, Saturday was nice and Sunday was awful. I woke up with a headache, threw up after I had some decaf and I had that nasty headache the whole day. This morning I had a fasting blood appointment with my medical endocrinologist to review my DHEAS (androgen levels). He recommends me taking the Dexamethasone throughout the pregnancy and he is going to monitor me every 10 weeks to see how am doing. Stopping the medication may alter my androgen levels so he doesn't want me to stop at this point however I stop Metformin at 12 weeks.

Moving on to some updates about the little bean - We had our ultrasound last Thursday and the baby measured 9 weeks 0 days. For the first time we saw it make a little move...such an amazing sight!! Everything felt so real that moment! We will miss these frequent peeks at the bean going forward.

My mom-in-law is visiting us next week. I can’t wait to see her and spend some time with her. We will be visiting Cape Cod end of June…can’t wait for that either!! It will be our first vacation after almost a year!!

Good news

We went for our blood and ultrasound today. My anxiety levels were no less though we were able to see an intrauterine pregnancy last time. Our eyes remained glued to the u/s screen and slowly the little one showed up. Baby measured 6w6d (I am 7w today according to my LMP..so not bad) and then we looked at the heartbeat and it was 138 bpm :) It was such an amazing moment. Tears of joy ran down my cheeks as I got a copy of the ultrasound picture. I gave my blood and we were back at the RE's office. He was so overjoyed and kept thanking us for all the patience! I must say I was lucky to have a very understanding RE. He gave me a notepad to write down a few dates. We will be going to the RE for next three weeks and then transition to my OB/GYN. We will have ultrasound, blood work and internal exam done every week for the next three weeks. I thought that was a lot...not sure if all the REs do weekly u/s. Maybe this is his protocol?

As we were about to leave, I wished my RE happy first anniversary. Today, June 1st marks one year of working with him. Its been a wonderful journey but certainly not an easy one. There are so many wonderful moms out there who are still waiting for a miracle and my heart goes out to them. I really wish and pray all their dreams come true soon.

As far as symptoms are concerned, I don't like certain foods and nausea comes and goes. Sometimes it’s never there. Breasts are tender and pain at night. Bloating is huge, it could be partly indigestion as I get constipated now and then (sorry TMI!).  I have already gained 5 lbs...maybe it’s all that bloating..hoping to start some kind of exercise routine this weekend. Hope all of you are having a great friday!!

We waited for this moment....and it happened!

I had my beta and an early u/s…I am just 5 weeks and its quite early for an u/s but my RE wanted to do it anyway due to my ectopic history. S accompanied me to the u/s room. We really didn’t know what to expect and what not to expect. I have never been so anxious in my life! The technician came in and she put the probe in and said ‘I can see a little something’, I lifted my head and looked at the screen and she said ‘there it is’….and I saw that little black circle and a small white dot on the top in my uterus!!!! I broke down right on the table with tears running down…my hubby held my hand tight. He had this 'relieved' smile I have never seen before and some tears too. The last 2 years, ectopic pregnancy, IUIs and trips to RE just went past my mind and I just felt it was all so worth it for this very moment!!! I am so grateful for everything. I love that little white dot! The technician said she sees what she needs to see for 5 weeks. We are still early for a heartbeat but that would be our next milestone in 1.5 weeks! I just wish everything works well form here on…This is a big step for us as we never thought my tube was compatible for transport.

On our way back home…I was so overwhelmed with joy…we just kept looking at each other and kept smiling. It did happen! I have a lot of mixed feelings now…it is true we are a couple who got lucky before our planned IVF cycle. I never dreamt it would happen to us. But the truth is, none of this changes what we dealt with infertility. I am still a part of that and for some reason I want to be. I just don’t want anyone to think we are one of those couples who got pregnant just like that…because I know what it takes to get there! I have been through it maybe not all of it but at least some of it. This is a miracle for us and I thank God for being so kind. The new path is exciting but scary. Infertility makes you question each and every thing and makes you expect the worst every time so you are prepared for the best and makes you smile at the smallest joys life can bring! And as always Thank you everyone for making my journey less stressful :)

Quick update

First off am sorry to have disappeared. Last two days at work were hectic with long meetings. Hoping it will be better rest of the week. I went in for my second beta on Monday. My beta levels during my last ectopic pregnancy were very slow rising initially and after the fifth week it shot up high. Anxiety was no less this time! Good news is it came back at 596!! I go in for my third beta on Friday. They will do an ultrasound only if it crosses 1500 or 2000. I am thinking that would be next week if everything goes well. I stopped temping and poas...thanks for the advice ladies!! I freak out at times but after reading sass's post yesterday I have been trying to believe in this pregnancy. It makes things much easier that way. Thanks sass!

Just hanging in there...

I wish I could stop

-          googling about hcg and progesterone levels

-          getting obsessive about 0.2 deg drop in temperatures

-          thinking why there are no symptoms yet

-          getting anxious each time I go to the bathroom

The last one is the most difficult because of my previous ectopic pregnancy. I started spotting around 5 weeks and they detected it at 6.5 weeks. I’m so scared to pee now! I didn’t POAS today…thought I will give a break and try tomorrow. The only symptom I am having is mild cramping on and off and sore breasts on and off…my temp dipped a little today which scares me but I am trying not to obsess too much about it. Maybe I should just stop temping for a while. Next beta is on Monday! Thank you so much for all your wishes yesterday!! It really means a lot to me.

A second line!

I just don’t know how to begin this post! We are right now on break cycle before our scheduled IVF start in May and I am 13 DPO today. We were scheduled for our IVF class today at 9.30 am. I woke up and saw that my temperatures were still high so I tested and guess what...I got a second faint line!!! I really couldn’t believe my eyes!! We were gearing up for IVF and we have already submitted our financial consents and insurance agreements! 

We did try this cycle around ovulation just to give our best before IVF but we never had any hope after all those failed clomid/femara and IUI cycles since my ectopic pregnancy in 2010. This BFP gives me a lot of hope and am very happy this day and this moment. I am grateful for everything. We don’t know what is in store for us. It will take at least a week to see where the embryo has implanted. With a history of ectopic I have a recurrence rate of 15%....

We arrived at our RE’s office this morning for our IVF class. Before going to the class I met my RE and told him about the BFP. He was so very happy to hear it! He said I need to do blood & ultrasound. He knew it was too early for an ultrasound (I am 13 DPO!) but he just wanted to see my endo lining. The ultrasound shows that I ovulated from my right side (which is the side with the open tube!) and the lining looks good.  I gave my blood and I just got my beta…its 68!! My fingers are tightly crossed for a good uterine pregnancy!!

I couldn’t have gotten this far without you ladies and your support! You are the first ones to know apart from my hubby and my RE J

IVF Financials

I got a call from my RE’s IVF clinic and they gave a list of things to do before we officially start our IVF cycle. We have got a bunch of papers to sign and heap load of tests and blood work to be done and then based on that we will get our ‘ok’ to go ahead. They also sent us an itemized cost list so that we know how much we need load our pockets with the big bucks.

Here is what I got from them:

Medications (Lupron, Follistim, Progesterone etc….)	$3000-$7000
Venipuncture	$15 / per blood draw)
Ultrasounds	$230

Blood Work only (this is just estimated cost)	$2750
Anesthesia	$700
Retrieval Fee	$2530
Laboratory Fee	$4140
Embryo Transfer	$1410
Facility Fee	$1260
Total:	$12090

ICSI (less than or equal to 10 oocytes)	$2100
ICSI (greater than 10 oocytes)	$2400

Cryopreservation of Embryos (due at Start of cycle)	$1155
Storage of Embryos (due beginning of year two)	$225/ quarter
Sperm MESA	$250
Sperm TESA	$800

Assuming:

1.       We don’t go for ICSI (we never know!)

2.       We don’t do Sperm MESA and TESA (again, we never know!)

3.       Estimated medication cost is $5000 (I took an average)

4.       Venipuncture (7 blood draws?) - $105

5.       Ultrasounds (4..?) ~ $1000

The total is now $12090 + $5000 + $105 + $1000 = $18195….!!!!!! And this amount excludes cryopreservation which is another $1155

Is this the normal price tag for IVF? All this while I thought the medication costs were part of the IVF cycle costs. Well now that isn’t the case here. The medication costs totally come from a different bucket! Is this the case with all IVF centers?? I really appreciate if someone could provide any feedback…

Lost in the three letter word - IVF

One ectopic pregnancy resulting in a blocked left tube and history of mild pcos and two years of trying our best to conceive since the ectopic has brought us to a point where our only option might be IVF. We did two cycles of IUI (ovulation induced using Femara) and both the cycles I did have a good follicle (22mm (first IUI)and 19mm (second IUI)) on my right ovary. The right tube is supposed to be clear and open based on our recent HSG last month but things just don’t happen!!!

My RE feels that my right tube might not be functioning too well and chances of that happening is quite high because of previous ectopic in my left tube. These tubes are made up of the same kind of tissue (with those hair like structures - cilia) and if one tube has destroyed cilia or scarring then chances are that the other tube will be of the same type and material. Unfortunately HSG does not reveal microscopic defects in the tube.

He thinks IVF would be our best bet now. It didn't come as a total big surprise to me as I knew it was our only option if this IUI failed.

We were tired after the last IUI and with all the things going on at work we wanted a break so we decided to take a break this cycle. That would give us some time to read up on IVF and look at our finances as well. It looks like we will have insurance coverage for one-two IVF max, third cycle onwards we will need to pay for it. The thought of injections and medications scares me even though I am trying to be very positive. I was speaking to my mom on the weekend and she cried when I explained things to her. Both of our parents are 8500 miles away from us in my home country and we see each other once in 3-4 years....the thought of us going through these pains them more....and it was hard for me to see her cry.

Our plan is to start IVF two months from now which means my next cycle will be the organization cycle when we will have the orientation, injection classes and will be taking Lupron etc. My mom-in-law is visiting my sis-in-law this month helping her to take care of her 10 month old baby before they leave her at the day-care. Mom-in-law is going to visit us in June and will be here for a month. We thought thats the best time to do IVF as we will have some help around. And I think thats the best time because she is more than a mom to me and I would love her to be around!  I just wish I could give her the most awaited moment when she is here in June!

So now I need to get organized for the upcoming IVF cycle. We did discuss about injectables+IUI with my RE and he thinks it might not be very favorable with my tubal condition and thinks IVF might be a better option.....

Before we left the RE's office last week they gave us this big IVF packet which has all the forms and checklists. I had to work last weekend so I had no time to go over it. I am planning to read all of that this week and enquire about our coverage with my insurance. It is very true that infertility makes us stronger day by day but the pain of each failed cycle is just immeasurable!!

Living life two weeks @ a time

16th cycle charting

9th monitored cycle

5th medicated cycle

2nd IUI cycle

22nd cycle since my ectopic pregnancy

HSG done on CD8. The results were the same as the last one two years back but this doctor did it very well. The pain and discomfort was way lesser than last time. After he completed the procedure, he explained the images to me which the other doctor never did. The image showed good spillage on the right and nothing on the left. It was as if there was no tube on the left, the dye never left the uterus on the left side. After I dressed up, the nurse gave me a CD that had my images! I really like that. I could show the images to my hubby :)

As per plan I had my follicle ultrasound on CD12 and to my BIG BIG surprise I had a good follicle on the right measuring 19mm. Thank God! There were no big ones on the left, the maximum was 11mm which does not qualify. They gave me the HCG shot at 8.45 am on CD12. The plan was to have two IUIs done this cycle. We drove in early on CD13 and had the first IUI. I felt O pains around 8 pm on that day and I think I ovulated because there was a slight increase in temp the next day (0.2 deg). We did the second IUI the next day, CD 14. The doctor mentioned that my hubby's samples looked pretty good and he did not see any issues. The three days were very tiresome for us. The two hour back and forth drive from the clinic against NY traffic and the 3 hour wait at the clinic and then getting back to work with the sponge stuck inside me! It was all totally worth it!

Like he said on my last appointment, if it doesnt happen this cycle, then my right tube is something we can't take for granted. He said there could be issues in the tube at the microscopic level and might not help in the smooth transport of the egg. A similar situation could have happened two years back that caused ectopic pregnancy in my left tube. According to him, HSGs do not reveal microscopic defects of the tube and it just shows that the tube is open and we never know if the tube is actually functional...and I do agree to what he says because sadly I see no reason why it can't be true.

Today I am on 6 DPO and I have my progesterone blood work scheduled for tomorrow. For some reason, my temperatures are not that high this cycle and I am quite disappointed. It could be because I just had one egg that popped this cycle and the last few cycles I had 2 eggs....well we will find out tomorrow after the blood work.

I am kind of lost as to what will happen if this cycle does not work. I mean we have done all that we could this cycle to get a BFP. We did HSG (which I believe increases fertility), right tube was open, we got a right side egg, we did two IUIs...not sure what more is needed! The unknown fear is what happens next if this cycle does not work. My RE is leaning towards IVF as he says we should discuss that next cycle. I am not quite sure...we did only 2 IUI cycles so far (3 if we count this cycle as 2 IUIs) ..is that enough to determine that IVF is our only choice? or should we try more IUI cycles? I have been reading on acupuncture and I am thinking of doing at least 1 IUI+acupuncture cycle and 1 IUI+injectables cycle before we head to IVF. And we need 2-3 months break to save a little bit for IVF (based on our coverage we will end up spending a lot out of pocket).

Fingers crossed!!

Back to square one :(

Today is CD7, March 21. Our first 'very hopeful' IUI cycle ended last Thursday when I got my period :( and it was the most disappointing day for us.

We are on our second IUI cycle with the same Femara dose (3 x 2.5 mg). The plan is to have two IUIs this cycle to increase chances. But all these again depend on whether my right ovary produces good follicles. If we end up having bigger follicles on my left then we will have to cancel this cycle. My RE is kind of leaning towards talking about IVF as he thinks my right tube might not be functioning too well. The real problem is that I have a dominant left ovary and most of the time we had multiple eggs from left ovary(normal and clomid cycles). I really hope that my 'right' starts working up and getting up to speed. Before we have our IUI, we are doing a HSG to know the status of my tubes. I had my last HSG two years back (after my ectopic) and I thought it would be good to have another one now. At least it would increase our chances for the next few cycles. With a LOT of HOPE we are marching towards this cycle praying GOD won’t let us down this time!

One small step at a time

Today is CD13 on my first Femara cycle (3x2.5mg/day from CD3 to CD7). For better reasons I found Femara to be a better drug compared to Clomid. Clomid gives this unusual mood swings and thickens the cervical mucus. I kind of felt better on Femara. Today I had my ultrasound and it showed two big follicles, 22mm on the right (yay!) and 20 mm on the left (my left never gives up!). That number '22' made our day today! It’s like we are half way there though literally we are not even close!  When you go through infertility, any small positive outcome really gives you that little hope :)

Tomorrow is our IUI appointment. Two weeks back, the world was upside down and I was totally disheartened about our IUI plan. Now I feel much better...and its only because of the support and care my husband gave me.... If this is what it takes to have our baby then I am all the more ready to go through it. I pray fervently that God doesn’t make this journey longer and harder.  Good luck to us!!

A letter to my Hubby...

Sweetheart,

I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much. Today could be one of the most disheartening days of our lives when the doctor told us to take the IUI/AI route this cycle. Not that its the most dreaded thing...its just that we always think about conceiving naturally (we even did so two years back) and now we need to go through this path. Things have taken a very different turn since March 2010 and the path has been so bumpy but I could sail through it and that’s only because of you. You never let me down though I know deep inside you are hurt as much as I am and even more. I just hope you are getting some strength from me in spite of my tearful ride back from the doctor's office. Your comforting words gives me so much strength...I couldn't ask for more dear. Life has been wonderful except for this small hiccup which drains away most of the happiness that we share. Nevertheless we still laugh about the most silliest things ever...we still talk about everything as if we never experienced any of these difficulties...and I think that’s what makes us the most special couple which every couple in this world yearns for. We will stride this path too with the same hope in our heart hand in hand. You really don't deserve such a bumpy road to our most cherished dream. I am so sorry for making things very tough for us.

We always have conversations about those supernatural people/aliens...I am not too sure if they are watching us now or even steering us to our dreams. But what I learnt today is that they were normal humans too except they did so many good deeds that made them superior than the majority and good deeds are nothing but how they think, act or help other people that would make them stand apart from the rest. We have some of those 'supernatural' people around us these days...it just depends on how quickly you identify them and I could identify a few...you, my dearest husband and our parents. You have always been there for me and I love you so much.

Wishing and praying to see a little one in your hands soon.

Love,

Your ever-loving wife