Back to square one :(

Today is CD7, March 21. Our first 'very hopeful' IUI cycle ended last Thursday when I got my period :( and it was the most disappointing day for us.

We are on our second IUI cycle with the same Femara dose (3 x 2.5 mg). The plan is to have two IUIs this cycle to increase chances. But all these again depend on whether my right ovary produces good follicles. If we end up having bigger follicles on my left then we will have to cancel this cycle. My RE is kind of leaning towards talking about IVF as he thinks my right tube might not be functioning too well. The real problem is that I have a dominant left ovary and most of the time we had multiple eggs from left ovary(normal and clomid cycles). I really hope that my 'right' starts working up and getting up to speed. Before we have our IUI, we are doing a HSG to know the status of my tubes. I had my last HSG two years back (after my ectopic) and I thought it would be good to have another one now. At least it would increase our chances for the next few cycles. With a LOT of HOPE we are marching towards this cycle praying GOD won’t let us down this time!

One small step at a time

Today is CD13 on my first Femara cycle (3x2.5mg/day from CD3 to CD7). For better reasons I found Femara to be a better drug compared to Clomid. Clomid gives this unusual mood swings and thickens the cervical mucus. I kind of felt better on Femara. Today I had my ultrasound and it showed two big follicles, 22mm on the right (yay!) and 20 mm on the left (my left never gives up!). That number '22' made our day today! It’s like we are half way there though literally we are not even close!  When you go through infertility, any small positive outcome really gives you that little hope :)

Tomorrow is our IUI appointment. Two weeks back, the world was upside down and I was totally disheartened about our IUI plan. Now I feel much better...and its only because of the support and care my husband gave me.... If this is what it takes to have our baby then I am all the more ready to go through it. I pray fervently that God doesn’t make this journey longer and harder.  Good luck to us!!

A letter to my Hubby...

Sweetheart,

I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much. Today could be one of the most disheartening days of our lives when the doctor told us to take the IUI/AI route this cycle. Not that its the most dreaded thing...its just that we always think about conceiving naturally (we even did so two years back) and now we need to go through this path. Things have taken a very different turn since March 2010 and the path has been so bumpy but I could sail through it and that’s only because of you. You never let me down though I know deep inside you are hurt as much as I am and even more. I just hope you are getting some strength from me in spite of my tearful ride back from the doctor's office. Your comforting words gives me so much strength...I couldn't ask for more dear. Life has been wonderful except for this small hiccup which drains away most of the happiness that we share. Nevertheless we still laugh about the most silliest things ever...we still talk about everything as if we never experienced any of these difficulties...and I think that’s what makes us the most special couple which every couple in this world yearns for. We will stride this path too with the same hope in our heart hand in hand. You really don't deserve such a bumpy road to our most cherished dream. I am so sorry for making things very tough for us.

We always have conversations about those supernatural people/aliens...I am not too sure if they are watching us now or even steering us to our dreams. But what I learnt today is that they were normal humans too except they did so many good deeds that made them superior than the majority and good deeds are nothing but how they think, act or help other people that would make them stand apart from the rest. We have some of those 'supernatural' people around us these days...it just depends on how quickly you identify them and I could identify a few...you, my dearest husband and our parents. You have always been there for me and I love you so much.

Wishing and praying to see a little one in your hands soon.

Love,

Your ever-loving wife